Kurobara
by n1ght3lf
Summary: After a shocking revelation, Kodachi leaves to do some soul-searching.


Nightelf presents...

I stand on the roof of the family manor, slowly taking in deep, powerful breaths, my eyes closed, my skin prickling at the swirling air around me. I taste the wind and its cool energy, absorbing the contrasting scents of flowers, human sweat, and pollution. The roar of Nerima surrounds me, the commotion of humanity shuffling along its mundane ways. Images float through my memory, bringing the emotions that come with them: the loneliness and fear of my childhood, the dark fire of my early adolescence - then him. My heart swells as I feel the intense, volcanic strength in his body, take in his intoxicating scent, lose myself in the quiet intensity of his sky-blue eyes. As the feelings reach a crescendo, I open my eyes, to view...

Early evening. The sky is a strange purple: not yet night, but close enough. I frown slightly as I notice the clouds covering the stars. The city lights are just beginning to turn on...I reach for the clasp of my cloak, letting it float on the wind down to the ground. A triumphant laughter fills the air as my nightly run begins.

The wind whips past my face, my eyes narrowed, my heart pounding, as I leap from rooftop to rooftop. Here, in this place only feet from banality, I am home. In this realm, the stars of the night sky are my friends, and the moon my beacon. I come here to fly, to become one with the wind, to dance in starlight, to feel the fire within me ignite. I cease to be Kodachi Kuno, cast off my mantle of "Black Rose", and leave my role as dark mistress of the gymnastics world behind.

In this place, I am starlight, elemental fire...I am one with the night.

Now I can dream.

He comes to me, a genteel hand offered to take mine. Taking me in his arms, he hold me close, places his hand underneath my chin, gently brushes his lips against mine, then kisses with such passion to make me dizzy. The laughter comes with more intensity now, as I envelop myself in the dreams.

A sniff of the air brings me back to relative reality. There's moisture in the air, its heaviness warning me of an approaching storm. I _knew_ I should have kept the cloak on, but it would have taken away from this...feeling...I have. I pick up speed, letting the lights of the city blur past as I prepare to leave reality in the dust.

A child's cry keeps me from my chosen destination, its saturated fear calling up memories of my own helplessness so long ago. Its ear-splitting urgency turns me involuntarily to the source.

"Ranma-sama...masaka..."

My whispers only tell a small part of the story as my eyes widen. Transfixed by the sight, my legs turn to stone, unmoving, transformed by horror, admiration, and fascination.

My Ranma...so brave, so strong...stands his ground, the only shining light between a small child and hellspawn, flying demons from some dark, desolate plane of existence. They attack my beloved in search for the child, their grotesque claws scratching, grabbing at them, their magics forcing my avian sky-kin to do their dark bidding. I look in the eyes of the child, see the terror, the fear running wild beneath them, recalling dark, preferably hidden memories of my past. My heart soars, though, as he tosses the child to a friend of his (Oh, what's his name...Ryouko?) and turns back around, ready to face the dark horde.

Talons grab at my beloved, gripping him in a rough chokehold, preparing to take him to...I don't want to know. How dare they? HOW DARE THEY TRY TO TAKE MY RANMA-SAMA AWAY FROM ME?!? I bring out my ribbon, in preparation of my own attack on the beasts, as the first drops of rain fall.

Then...

The wings disappear from the backs of the night creatures, their claws reforming into normal, human hands and feet.

And my Ranma...

No.

Deity, no...

My soul shatters, all life, all meaning fading away, as one of the hellspawn's spells take root. His strong, powerful muscles shrink, becoming leaner and more flexible. His beautiful hair, once black as the night that is my home, lightens to become the red of the setting sun. Other features shift - breasts form - I am knocked to my knees, helpless as I watch the manhood being drained from my beloved's body. I cannot scream, cannot cry...I am too devastated for tears, and any scream stays frozen in my throat.

A sickening curiosity forces me to look closer at my beloved's new form, kneeling in the storm, rubbing h...her neck from the chokehold the demons held before the spell. Her hair...her eyes...her body...No. Impossible. This cannot be...

Osage no Onna. Pigtailed girl. I force strength into my legs and stand, subtle clues fitting together like a macabre jigsaw puzzle in my mind. My eyes widen, tears forming, as I _see_, perhaps for the first time in years.

I spring away, running beyond all reason, my legs imbued with new energy from an old 'friend': fear. I feel the hot tears mingling with the cold rain as I try to fly, to become one with the night once more. But, no matter how hard I try, something sinister pushes that horrible moment of change in my mind, anchoring me to this plane, keeping rude reality in front of me...until exhaustion comes to take me in, wrapping me in a sea of nothingness.

* * *

Nightelf presents...

Kurobara

All characters property of Rumiko Takahashi. All rights reserved. I must ask that you not do anything with this work without the author's permission.

* * *

"Uhhh...oooh..."

The early morning light touches my face, calling me from my slumber. Familiar ceiling, familiar walls...I'm home, safe, in my own bed. I move around in the sheets, taking a sinful pleasure in the feel of black satin against exposed skin.

A subtle warmth, familiar, yet not my own, turns my head to the right, to where he sleeps. He's so beautiful when he's unconscious, so peaceful away from the daily battles in Nerima's streets. I say a small prayer, thanking the kami for bringing him here, with me. All I want, all I could ever hope for, is in his arms. I snuggle close, immersing myself in his warmth, feeling his-

Huh?

_koosh, koosh_

Fully awake from shock, my eyes widen as I look at my right hand - and the ample bosom in its grasp. The fiery-haired one moans at my touch, taking some distant pleasure in it, even though she be unconscious. Sitting up on the bed, I throw the sheets off, exposing her full womanhood to my disbelieving eyes.

"Ohhh...Kodachi-sama..." she whispers, still enraptured in her dreams. I feel the scream rising in my throat, slowly, as though its sheer power were hampering its travel.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

The familiar setting of my bedroom disappears, only to be replaced by...another bedroom? This one's unfamiliar, plain, almost quaint, with country-style blankets and furnishings.

Then the events of the previous night come back to me - most of it, anyway. The fight and the...the change I remember too well. The aftermath is somewhat hazy, though I consider that a blessing, overall. The door opens, slowly at first, then with more force.

"Ahhh. You're awake."

Hmmm. A rather attractive girl, by most standards, if a bit plain. She's about my age, give or take a year, small, slender, with a pretty face adorned with innocent blue eyes. Black hair, with strange strands of pink, flows down to her shoulders. Her clothes are somewhat conservative, consisting of a white blouse, vest-sweater, plaid skirt, and black socks. A pleasant, cheerful smile beams from her, wishing me a good morning.

I hate morning people.

"Sorry to bother you, but breakfast will be ready shortly." Such a polite girl - almost too polite. "There's some clothes for you on the chair. The bath is two doors to the right if you want to freshen up. Your clothes are currently in the wash." She blushes slightly. "I hope you don't mind..."

"'S okay", I mumble, noticing the ache in my muscles for the first time. "I'll be down in a few minutes." The mystery girl leaves the room, allowing me my privacy.

I get up, walk over to the chair, and begin to examine the articles left for me. Simple and functional clothing - a pink, frilly dress and various undergarments. It'll do.

A cursory sniff grabs my attention - and brings home the necessity of a bath. After last night, I need it. I gather the clothes and head for the bath, already feeling the water caressing my skin.

A quick bath and freshening up, and I at least look presentable. Before, I was a mess - in every way possible. At least I look okay now...wish I felt the same way. Maybe breakfast will make me feel better. I can't recall when I've eaten last.

Downstairs, the girl is waiting with a place reserved for me, the miso soup and rice slowly getting cold. That nauseating morning smile beams from her again; still, she does seem to be here to help, and right now I could use a friend. A hearty "itadakimasu" later, and we both start to eat.

Hmmm. Not too bad. Just the right amount of flavor...

"Pardon me. I was wondering...I don't even know your name."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Groaning slightly at the movement, I stand and bow to my hostess. "Kodachi Kuno, at your service. I am known to most as..."

Why'd I stop? I...Why am I so hesitant to tell her about me?

"What?" Perfect. I've gotten her attention.

"Oh, it's nothing important. I'll tell you about it later." I wipe a bead of sweat from my brow, relieved at my dodge.

"My name's Akari. Akari Unryuu. So...where are you from? No offense, but most people around here don't run around in a leotard - especially in the middle of a thunderstorm."

Soft laughter escapes from my lips, a far cry from my usual laugh of triumph. "Well, I'm from the Nerima district of Tokyo, near Furinkan High School, though I attend St. Hebereke's School for Girls. As for the leotard...I practice Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics."

Her eyebrows shoot up at the mention of my father's school. "Excuse me, but do you know a young man by the name of Ryouga Hibiki?"

Ryouga! That was his name! I quietly berate myself for not remembering. "I... know of him. I'm a...friend...of Ranma's."

"Oh. Then you know about..."

Was I the only one who didn't? "I found out - last night."

"Oh."

That quiets both of us for awhile, sinking us into embarassed silences. We both continue to eat, lost in our own thoughts, until a small voice, much quieter than before, comes from Akari's direction.

"What happened last night? If you don't want to talk about it,  
I'll-"

"It's okay." I put down my bowl, a chill running through me as the events replay in my mind. "Ranma and Ryouga..." Akari's eyes widen in concern at his name, "fought to save a small girl from these...demons. Ryouga took the girl to safety, while Ranma fought them off. They struggled -"

"Let me guess: it rained, right?"

I nod solemnly, hiding my surprise. "Yes..."

Akari laughs - a pleasant laugh, free from any darkness. "And the next thing you knew, instead of two guys, there was a girl and a pig."

"Come to think of it, there was a pig..."

"That was Ranma and Ryouga. Apparantly, while they were training, they ran into these cursed springs. Now, cold water changes Ryouga into 'P-chan' and Ranma into a beautiful girl. Hot water changes them back."

Oh dear. "Oh dear...I chained 'P-chan' to...to Ranma during our little bout." If there are any more surprises...

"You what?!?" Akari starts to cough, her surprise sending a bit of soup down her windpipe.

"When I first met Ranma, St. Hebereke's was preparing to face Furinkan in Martial Arts Gymnastics. I first...I...Akane was scheduled to face me, so I...tried to injure her." The last words were said so quietly...Why now, after all this, do I regret?

Akari puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder, sensing my guilt. "It's okay. We all make mistakes."

"Turns out I didn't need to. She foiled my attempt, only to turn her ankle in practice. Care to guess who replaced her?"

"Don't tell me..."

"When I went to the Tendo house, Ranma - the masculine Ranma - saved me from a dreadful fall. I...I fell in love with him." Something in Akari's look worries me... "A few days later, at the match, I ended up facing this pigtailed girl - who DARED use my Ranma-sama's name. So, not being above such measures, I chained her to Akane's pet."

Akari giggles. "I would have loved to have seen that. It must have been one heck of a fight."

I nod, laughing at the memory. "It was. I even drenched the two in hot water at one point. I always wondered why Akane turned that water hose on them..."

Akari's rolling on the floor, doubled over, consumed with her hilarity.

"Anyway, by the time the fight was over, the entire ring floor was gone, and only three of the posts were left. I was on the gym floor, out of the ring, and the pigtailed girl was balancing on what was left of the fourth post, holding the rest of it in her hands."

She continues laughing, her uncontrollable giggles slowly calming down. After what seems like an eternity, she takes a deep breath, wipes her eyes, and returns to her meal.

I wonder...she seemed unusually concerned about..."Pardon me, but how do you know Ryouga?"

Uh oh. She's got that hopeful, wistful look in her eyes, a clear byproduct of infatuation. "Grandfather, before he passed on, told me to find a strong man to marry. You see, here we raise pigs in the art of sumo, and need such a man to raise them properly. So, I went into town with one of my pigs, ordering him to fight any man he came across. Ryouga was the first man to win."

"I tried being nice to him, giving him cookies and sweaters and other things, but he just ran away from me each time. It took awhile to find out why: All of the things I gave him - love letters and all - had something to do with pigs. He thought..." her voice turns strangely quiet, "...he thought I was making fun of him. Now, though, things are okay. He has no sense of direction, so he travels around a lot, but he tries to visit when he can."

I smile, wistful like Akari, but sad instead of hopeful. "You two sound like a nice couple."

Sensing my distress, my host puts a comforting hand on my own, now shaking from the fear. "Kodachi, I wish I could give some assurances here, but..." Her head shakes slowly, as though telling me of a death.

"I...I..." I...what if she's right? WHAT IF...what if ranma doesnt love me?

She cocks an eyebrow slightly, a skewed idea flying in her head. "Come on. I know just the thing to get your mind off of him. Care for a little match?"

Somewhat numb by the recent events, I simply nod, putting up no resistance as she leads me out of the house...and into one of the most beautiful places on earth. A tranquil, picturesque elysium, almost untouched by the corruption of the modern age. Forest surrounds the land, well-tended and gardened to a gentle perfection. At the other end of the estate are a couple of buildings - one, a covered, walled building (a dojo, presumably); and the other a large pen, housing the special students of the estate.

"Grandfather and I...trained the pigs well. Akebono wouldn't stand a chance against Katsunishiki - he's the best there is. But...he's not quite as good against a fast, agile opponent - such as a gymnast. Ryouga has some speed, thanks to his 'training' with Ranma, but his main focus is strength. You, on the other hand..." She opens the door to the dojo,  
inviting me to enter.

Oh dear...

My eyes widen at the...pig...waiting patiently at one end of the ring, methodically going through the typical stretching exercises. Rising to a height of nearly nine feet, I don't even want to think about how much this guy weighs - or what would happen if he fell on me. Akari leads me to him, eliciting a bow from him in greeting.

"Katsunishiki...this is Kodachi. She's going to help us train today. She's a gymnast, so this won't be a formal match. Okay?" Much to my surprise, the pig nods, as though comprehending every word.

I take my place at one end of the ring, taking out a ribbon to defend myself with, my mind quickly going into full combat alert. Katsunishiki takes the typical sumo combat pose, then waits for the signal. Akari picks up the war paddle, holding it between us, looking for our readiness.

At the signal, the pig charges fullbore at me, with a speed frightening for a creature of his girth. I spring out of the way just in time, then whip my ribbon around his leg, pulling it up, expecting the move to send his massiveness tumbling. The pig lifts his leg, balances on the other, spins around, and escapes my grip, all without losing his balance.

Well. This could be harder than I thought. I narrowly avoid the next couple of charges, my mind racing, analyzing the situation, trying to find something...Hmmm. That just might work, assuming I survive it.

Katsunishiki comes running again, making another attempt to push me out. I stand my ground, as straight and tall as I possibly can, in an effort to give him as high a target as possible. I try to remain calm, relaxed, as he comes barreling in...his "arms" start to thrust out, to push me away...

NOW! I duck, narrowly missing his arms, and get under his waist to his legs. Unable to stop, he trips over me, using me as a speedbump as he falls on his face.

"Winner! somehow..." Akari stares in amazement at Katsunishiki and myself, surprised I pulled a victory out of that mismatch. "Kodachi-chan...that was...amazing."

I wish..."No it wasn't," I blurt, breathless from my little contest. "I was extremely out of practice."

Katsunishiki rises, shaking the sand from his large frame. He straightens up, then bows deeply to me, impressed by my performance. Equally impressed, I return the favor.

"Excellent job, Katsunishiki. You honor your mistress with your fighting skill."

It's not often that a pig blushes. This one does - then bows just as deeply as before. Akari's cheerful voice interrupts the "conversation".

"So...shall we have another match?"

* * *

I'm home - and it seems not a moment too soon.

The courtyard is decorated...for my wedding: black roses and ribbons abound, their sinister beauty entwining the chairs set out for the occasion. Friends...family...everyone is here, joyous witnesses to our love. Even those harridans Akane and Ukyou are present, weeping mournfully, lamenting their loss.

At the sound of the march, I step outside, into the full view of the congregation, my eyes aglow. A pristine white western-style wedding dress hugs my frame, accentuating my perfect curves. Never in my life have I looked so beautiful - or felt so alive. The audience stares at me with shock, awe, and perhaps envy, while Ranma...my Ranma-sama waits at the front, stunned at the embodiment of beauty that is myself.

We stand together at the front, the vows beautiful, powerful, but pale next to the love showing in our eyes. The rings exchanged...the time comes to seal it with a kiss. I feel his hands touch me, beckoning me close...

The rain starts to pour down, drenching the lot of us with its rude outburst. My love...pulls back from me, breaking my heart with the disgust in his eyes. The others gaze at me with similar, if less intense, emotions. Akane and Ukyou just smile, as though they stand over my corpse.

It is a look down at my body that gives the reason for my love's revulsion...and, now, my own. My beautiful form, its artfully curved breasts and waistline, is gone, shattered by some dark magic, replaced with...this. A strong, masculine body is mine now, with a broad, hair-decorated chest, a firm, etched stomach, and powerful calves. The expansion has ripped my pretty dress, tearing it to rags, though it seems I will have no use for dresses now. Kneeling in the storm, I sob, cursing the kami for this cruel, cruel twist of fate.

_ RIIIIIIIIIIINNNNGG _

My hand gropes in the darkness of sleep, struggling to find the alarm clock. A peek into the light of early dawn, and the target becomes known to me. I turn off the infernal machine, and stretch my sore muscles, remembering my promise to cook breakfast. A few minutes later,  
and I'm going strong, working my culinary magic.

Cooking is one of the few quiet joys in my life - that and botany, of course. Letting my hands and soul work...create...leaves my mind free to dream. Sometimes, as my creations take shape, I see...Ranma, calmly sitting at our table...the glow in his eyes as he tastes my supper...his strong hands gently reaching under my chin...his lips approaching mine...

Oh well. I'd better get the food out before it burns. I've been working on this killer okonomiyaki recipe, to show Ranma that that transvestite cook Ukyou isn't as great as she seems. I'm still working out the bugs, though - something doesn't quite taste right. I walk out to the dining room, placing a dish in front of a waiting (and apparantly hungry) Akari. We both quickly dig in, famished from the previous day's exercise.

Pangs of worry pass through me as she slowly turns a bite of food over in her mouth, frowning in thought as she examines the subtleties of the spices. "Hmmm...not bad. There's some flavor in here I don't recognize."

It's nice to feel proud of something. Still, it wouldn't be proper. "Oh, it's not that good. I've been trying to outdo this okonomiyaki friend of Ranma's - without much success."

She puts down her chopsticks for a moment, lost in thought about...something...biting her lip nervously, brow furrowed.

"Why Ranma?"

"Huh?"

Now there's one smile from Akari I don't like. It's condescending: like a teacher talking down to a grade schooler.

"Haven't there been any other men who you find attractive?"

Hmmm. A very interesting question. Sure I have - truth to tell, I've found her Ryouga to be a fine specimen of manhood. But Ranma, he...

"None I dream about," I whisper, knowing it to be the only truthful response.

Unfortunately, this only piques her curiosity further. "Your dreams are important to you, aren't they?"

"Aren't they to everyone?" I ask, holding back more flippant responses.

She shrugs. "Well, yes, but...it's different for you. It's as though you live in your dreams."

"More than you know, Akari...more than you know," I speak, my voice still a whisper, said more to myself than my companion.

How can I tell her - tell her about my night runs, my fantasies - things so private that I can barely admit them to myself? Fortunately, I am granted a reprieve as Akari changes the subject.

"I was wondering...would you mind staying here for awhile? Yesterday's workout...Katsunishiki hasn't had a fight like that in ages."

I stop chewing on my food at this question, my mind pondering the implications of the offer. I needed to get away: that much is obvious. This is the perfect opportunity, away from oniisan, from the girls at St. Hebereke's, from Ranma-sama...

"I'd love to," I blurt, speaking before I can convince myself otherwise.

* * *

"Kuno residence...Sasuke here."

"Hello, Sasuke." I say a tiny prayer of thanks that it is Sasuke, and not my brother, who responds to my call.

"Ko-Kodachi-sama! Where have you been? It's been over a week!"

"I...I know. I'm sorry to have worried you."

A surprised silence rewards me for a moment. Apparantly, an apology was something Sasuke didn't expect.

"Sasuke...pardon me, but what news have you of my Ranma-sama?"

"Kodachi-sama, it pains me to say this, but Ranma has left for China...on a heroic journey."

China, huh? I wonder..."And the pigtailed girl? What news have you of her whereabouts?"

"No. I have not seen her since Ranma left. Akane has also disappeared."

Another confirmation - another affirmation of Ranma's curse. Akane has also gone...could that mean...No time to think about that. Not now, anyway.

"Sasuke, tell Otousan and oniisan that I'm safe and...that I'll be gone for awhile."

"When will you be back?"

Good question. "I don't know, Sasuke. I...I have a few things to work out first."

"As you wish, Kodachi-sama."

"Sasuke...thank you. Goodbye."

"G-goodbye, Kodachi-sama. Be careful." * CLICK *

Oh, Sasuke - so loyal, so brave - and yet, so clueless. Still, at least he's better than the rest of the household...my idiot father...my obsessed brother...and me, the lunatic.

* * *

The night is so beautiful out here - all to often, Nerima's bright lights outshine the stars, hiding their friendly presence from me. So cruel - with our increased dependence on the marvels of modern technology, we lose many other marvels: the beauty of a night sky, the feel of a natural cool breeze, the feel of soft grass beneath our feet...

I'm glad Akari thought of this. Lying down on the grass, relaxing from the work, letting Akari's supper digest (My okonomiyaki recipe didn't sit well in her stomach), and just talking.

I could never do this with oniisan...

"Why'd you ever get involved in gymnastics?"

"Now there's a long story." A drawn-out, relaxing sigh escapes my lips, my mind trying to remember some things - and forget others.

"When I first entered St. Hebereke's...so long ago...there were a few girls who bullied everyone else around. As it happened, the leader of the group was captain of the gymnastics team - and very good at what she did."

"One day..." Damn, I didn't want to remember this, "they chose me to pick on. From that point on, I vowed to beat them at their own game...and, eventually, I did." What I didn't tell her were the methods I used...methods which left a half-dozen people out of gymnastics - permanently.

Need to change the subject. "Akari, what do you see when you look in the stars?"

She sighs wistfully, staring up at the twinkling orbs with a dreamy look in her eyes. I already know her answer before she says it. "Ryouga and I...together." She points up at the stars around Ursa Major. "See that group of stars right there? I see 'P-chan' in that bit. How about you?"

In the twinkling of a star, I see Ranma's cool blue eyes. The rest of his face takes shape: the soft, quiet smile...strong chin...long black hair...

Then, quite suddenly, the lines shift around those eyes of his. Long eyelashes form...fiery red hair...softer contours. His face vanishes, to be replaced by hers. The shudder goes through me, as involuntary as the change in my beloved's form. Akari turns to me, eyes full of concern.

"Kodachi-chan? What is it?"

"Sorry. Just missing Ranma." I never was a very good liar.

Fortunately, my friend takes it at face value. After all, it isn't too far from the truth. "I...I know how you feel. Right now, I'd give just about anything to be in Ryouga's arms - or have him in mine."

Dammit...why can't I get that...image...out of my mind? I can't get his face back - it's like a television set stuck on one channel. Everywhere I look, everything I see throws his infirmity in my face, and stabs my own loneliness in my heart.

"Akari, I'm going to bed." My bones creak as I slowly rise from my reclining position, feeling for a moment the calm breeze quietly soothing my inner pain.

"Okay. I'll be in in a few minutes." She smiles, turning back to the stars...to her dreams.

Akari, I hope...I pray...that all of your dreams come true. Mine...mine are becoming nightmares.

* * *

"Kodachi-chan? Are you okay?"

No, I am most definitely _not_ okay, Akari. What clued you in - my sudden burst from the house? The tears running down my face?

"Sure...just...just give me a minute, okay?" I open my eyes, intently focusing them on the grass at my feet, trying not to see...to remember...

In some ways, this was inevitable. While the past couple of weeks have been such a joy...fighting with Katsunishiki, talking with Akari... the dreams have been getting steadily worse, each one a new variation of the same themes. While it was certainly annoying and bothersome, I carried on, confident (or just hopeful) the storm would pass, seeing no real danger.

Then I agreed to help cook. It seemed like a good idea at the time...cooking has always relaxed me whenever I have been nervous or restless. It just seemed so...natural to me.

Tonight was no exception - at first. I decided to try the okonomiyaki again (after all, practice makes perfect). I was busy making the sauce...when it happened.

What I went through cannot easily be described. Imagine every fear, every anxiety taking root, forming its sadistic image in your helpless mind's eye. My mood worsened with each thought, becoming darker and darker until...I stopped, my eyes fixed on the open vial in my hands.

The vial held one of my special "spices", a potent substance that, under normal doses, simply causes paralysis. What I was contemplating was a lot more than that...

That's when I panicked. Deity, if I had...had...I could have killed us both. Oh god...I...I...I ran outside, seeking air, stars, _anything_ to calm me.

I know what I am now - or, at least, what I have become.

A long time ago, when I was younger, I faced a challenge - a force I wasn't strong enough to resist. I cover my ears, still hearing the horrible laughter...the heartless "commentary"....then, I shrank away within myself, letting the pain slowly rot me away, until...

The call came quietly at first, a small whisper at the base of my skull, urging me to fight, to become stronger...more than I was, to avenge myself. I refused at first, knowing in my heart it would cause others the pain I know too well.

But the rot worsened, the bitterness too powerful, until there was nothing left of me. Then, left with no other option, I gave in, allowing it to come inside - and reshape me.

It hid my anguish behind a fiery mask, a warrior's protection - and intimidation.

My body it cloaked in darkness, keeping its sight from my enemies...until the time came to strike.

It nourished my soul with its dark dreams, giving me vitality... courage...intensity...strength.

Night had come, to save me in my hour of need, and gave me the courage to fight - and win.

Unfortunately, I never realized, until tonight, the cost of my rainment.

You see, the night is a tricky thing. You can use it to hide yourself, find strength in its sable landscape, and it will certainly oblige you. However, by seeking its help, you become a part of it, and it a part of you.

The mask may serve to protect you, but it can be an uncomfortable fit at times, and hides the true beauty within.

The armor of night may hide you from your enemies, but it also hides you from friends and loved ones.

The nourishment it gives you may serve you well...but leaves you hungry in the end, begging for more.

Two weeks ago, when I saw Ranma change, it woke me - the old me (or maybe a new me, I'm not sure) from my slumber, demanding action. Tonight, I see what I have become...the things I have done...and demand again.

I have become a child of the Night, a loyal (until now) servant to the dark forces within me. I am a killer who hasn't killed yet. And, I fear, I always will be: no amount of hot water will change me to what I was.

But, I am stronger now. The child that was lost to the Night has grown up. I can fight this - the Night taught me to fight, after all - to my dying day, if I have to.

It seems that I will have to.

After an eternity of tears, I turn back to the house. Akari stares out the window, small tears running down her cheeks as she becomes an unexpected spectator to my fight with madness. Seeking to reassure her, I wipe the tears from my eyes, smile weakly, and give her a "thumbs-up" sign. She does the same in response.

Although it will hurt us both to do so, I must leave here. I must speak with Ranma, with oniisan, with...Too much remains unsaid - way too much. Of course, she could always accompany me...there's plenty of room at the manor. Also, it'll give her a chance to visit her precious Ryouga-sama...

* * *

The walls of Nerima's streets seem to close around me, fencing me in like one of Akari's pigs. A sewerlike stench fills my nostrils, forcing me to fight the gag reflex threatening. Funny...I've never felt this claustrophobic - or this sickened - by Nerima before, nor have I ever felt its silence.

Something's wrong - very wrong. It's never this quiet: usually someone's fighting someone, or the pervert's making his rounds...or something. Silence in Nerima is like a thunderstorm in the Sahara.

Oh well. I'll worry about it later.

I look back at Akari, just in time to see her eyes bulge out of their sockets. "Kodachi-chan...you live here?"

I live here? It certainly looks like the Kuno mansion...but it doesn't feel like home. Its high fences and expensive decor feel so... sterile. It's annoying. I open the door, not bothering to wait for Sasuke.

"Make yourself at home." I can't.

The place is deserted. Oniisan's gone...Sasuke...otousan... everyone's run off somewhere. A pile of mail, my mail, is on the table, patiently waiting for me to open. A few letters, junk mail...A beige envelope, addressed from the Tendo Dojo, grabs my attention. I frantically open it, my hands shaking all the while...then read the card over and over, lost in disbelief and great pain.

Soun Tendo cordially invites you to the marriage of his daughter, Akane, to Ranma Saotome, to be held at the dojo on June 29, 1996, at 2:00 PM.

I glance at the clock: One o'clock. Just enough time to get ready.

* * *

There's nothing quite like a hot bath to soothe aching muscles - or calm a turbulent mind. The warm currents swirl around me, dissolving my pain in its healing waters.

"Kodachi-chan?" Akari relaxes the miles away with me in the tub, acting as confidante...and conscience.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering...what do you plan on doing when you get there?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know if Ryouga will be there?"

"I don't know."

"Is there anything you do know?"

Right now..."Not really." Given my current frame of mind, I could prostrate myself at their feet - or thrust a dagger into their hearts.

It's time: the wear from the journey is gone, and I am behind schedule. The water runs off of my form as I rise, giving an unearthly glistening as I prepare for the dark unknown. A few minutes later, and the ground flies beneath my feet, my heart pounding from anxiety, the first cracks in my soul forming from the pain. Dark pictures flood my mind, both feeding and crippling me with their intensity: Ranma and Akane, lovingly embracing...their children, a strange mix of his strength and her fire...Kodachi Kuno, dying old and alone...

Not if I can help it.

There...the dojo...please let me be in time...

Oh dear.

I should have known: No wedding involving Ranma could ever take place without a fight. This one was apparantly one to remember...Akane's still fighting off my idiot brother; Mousse is going for the old woman (ugh!); Ryouga sits there, crying, his heart broken; Nabiki, as usual, asks for money from the guests.

And my Ranma...

Poor dear. He...she...she's unconscious, beaten up and slightly charred from the battle. Those two...two...Shampoo and Ukyou stand watch, guarding over her vulnerable form. Needless to say, they are not pleased at my arrival.

"Get out of here, Kodachi! You're the last person he wants to see!"  
"Aiyaaah! What you want, crazy girl?"

I raise my hands in peace. A fight is the last thing I want right now...I would have a difficult time controlling my anger. "I desire no conflict. All I request is to see if Ranma is unhurt."

The two look at each other skeptically, then hesitantly give their assent. "But if you try the slightest trick..."

"Ranma? Ranma-sama, are you okay?" I call for her, trying to arouse her from her slumber, gently stroking one of her soft hands.

She wakes up, a little groggy at first, then jumps up, startled at the identity of the person who called to her. She stares at me with only one emotion flashed in her eyes: fear.

Is this what I've come to? Have I been so twisted that I inspire fear and suspicion - even in those I cherish most? I steel myself, trying to fight the tears for a few precious seconds. Pulling a rose from my sleeve (red, not black), I give it to my..to Ranma, my hand shaling uncontrollably all the while. The words I choke out...my last to Ranma...my farewell.

"Be...happy...together."

The fear in my beloved's eyes melts into amazement, the surprise at my surrender difficult for her to contemplate. I...I can't hold back the tears any longer. I...must leave here.

Akari has arrived, and sits with her beloved, comforting his shattered heart, wiping the tears from pained eyes. Good luck, Akari-chan...

I leap from the house onto the rooftops, not bothering to wipe my tears, allowing the wind whipping past to wipe them in my stead. I cannot fly - not anymore - but at least I can still run.

* * *

1996 notes:

Hello.

I first thought this up one June morning, while I was plotting out stuff for the Sunrise Chronicles. I was going through the scene with Ranma and the Kunos in my mind, when the idea of Kodachi reacting to Ranma's curse came to me. For those seriously into the Japanese manga, this was based loosely on the opening of the Mount Phoenix story and the final episode (with my own little changes, of course).

Anyway, this 'fic was probably the toughest I've ever had to write. The first draft was so horrid that I gave serious thought to abandoning the project. Some scenes, like the dream sequences and the opener, were a pure joy to write, while others...weren't.

I was roughly 1/3 done with typing the beta in when another idea (Black Lemonade) hit me, causing a week's delay in its release.

After I'm done with this, I'm going to take a few weeks off of writing 'fics, to relax, solidify my studies, and recover from this cold.

Thanks...

To Rumiko Takahashi, creator of this hilariously demented character - and many others.

To all those on the ML and the early list who have sent in their comments, especially skywise, my eyes when I am blinded from weariness, and Stormwalker, my conscience when I am in need of guidance.

As always, C&C is appreciated.

Mata ne...

Nightelf September 19, 1996

2010 notes:

Everything changes. And, in a curious way, nothing has.

While this is nowhere near the best work I've ever done, writing this let me know something very important.

When you write with the eyes of a character... get into their perspective... things happen that you don't expect. It is like acting, or singing, or any other performance art. You get into character; you find yourself seeing the world through their eyes. It's a process both fascinating and disturbing, to say the least - especially with a character who is caught in her own delusions, as Kodachi is.

Ah, well.

Initially released to RAAC September 19, 1996.

Released to March 17, 2010.


End file.
